TMI

For all of you that skipped 6th grade (or have chosen to move past it... still working on it myself, nbd.)

TMI = Too Much Information. 

TMI is what I get more often than not when taking phone calls. Example? 

Well this morning I was speaking with a woman who was trying to schedule a deposition. All was fine and dandy until she added,

"Oh and if I don't answer, please do leave a message, I've REALLY gotta jump in the shower and start to get ready for the day." 

Uh Great. 

Now I'm imagining this lady in her pink footy pajamas, hair all matted and greasy, no make-up on and sleepies in her eyes.  ....Wait! I want the image of her sitting behind a desk, fresh from her morning perfume, wearing dress pants, a fitted suit coat and red heels back. 

Also, how do you respond back to that? 

"Eww gross lady, don't you have the courtesy to clean yourself up before you start making business calls??" 

Probably not the most appropriate. 

So I went with, "ha well great, ...pause... uh wow yeah I'll just have them leave a message.  Thanks."  The awkward approach, always a winner right?  This may not be that bad to offer up information on where you are at on your morning routine, but it certainly took me by surprise.  

Remember how every adult you have encountered during your teen years would tell you,

"You better be careful of (Choose one: Texting, MSN, My Space, Facebook, Internet) because people are more comfortable with that barrier and will say things they would never say in person." 

-or-

"These contraptions are desensitizing people and allowing them to be bold without facing the immediate consequences." 

Well this is all true to some extent, but very true when it comes to giving out personal information.  On multiple occasions people have opened up to me over the phone and shared a few of the following:

1] how their husband is abusive;

2] how they hate living with their in laws because their body odor is atrocious;

3] that their family traces back to ye olde times to when they were extremely rich until some peasant stole their money and now each generation has had to suffer in poverty;

4] or that their intimate life has been extremely interrupted and here is how: (censored for good reason). 

Wow wow wow wow wow.  WAY TMI!  Usually I'll get these explanations when I'm asking for the doctor's name or even what the date of the accident was... so of course I guess I can't complain because those responses are perfectly normal to these questions right?

It just proves that all we need is someone to listen to us jabber on about whatever we need to get out.  Very similar to what I'm doing now to you....?   As human beings we need to communicate.  Fortunately, I'm just here to listen and provide uh huh's and aaahh I see's when necessary.  So if you'd like my self help hot line, go ahead and dial 4's until you can't dial anymore.  I can happily provide an attentive silence which will give you more than enough room to spill your guts on. 

P.S. Sarcasm was sprinkled heavily throughout this post with absoluetly no intention to offend. Any personal information referrenced or given has been fabricated but stemmed from real life events.  

Safe and Sound

He made it!!  Jordan made it to Albania after the painfully long 3 months in the MTC.  He had a fantastic time in the MTC and loved it, but towards the end he started to hint that he was ready to get on to Albania. 3 months...can you blame him?  His email today was probably my favorite so far.   Jordan may have turned into a classic missionary no complaints but he still has his personality and humor. :)  For example:

"Well we safely arrived in Albania.  After much tribulation.  We only had a half hour layover in Munich, but for the flight to Munich we were on a German Airline, so everything was in German.  I have to admit, my High School German didn't do anything to help me out talking to these people.  And this German girl was sleeping the entire flight from DC to Munich, and kept resting her head on my shoulder, I have to admit, coming out of the MTC it was really awkward, and it was a LONG flight." 

Jordan is a "touch-a-phobe" as we used to call him when he would squirm out of a hug or be annoyed if your elbow was touching his arm on accident.  This helps to paint this situation crystal clear in my mind, I can see the panic in his face now :)

More Excerpts from his email:

"Albania looks like......every war movie I've ever watch of this part of the world.  I feel like I'm living in Black Hawk Down, Green Zone, etc. or Call of Duty.   ...All the stores have their own security guards, and they just haul around AK-47's and stuff, really cool :)"

"Everyone says my name wrong, then asks if I'm from France :)"

"I love this work and this gospel, I know that this is where I need to be in my life, and I'm so happy that I was called to Albania.  ...I love these people, they're the nicest people I've ever met in my life, and probably the most humble.  I know that the church will prosper here, and I know that we're not going to see the fruits of our labors, but we've heard many prophecies by apostles and people that the work will thrive here.  ... I hope that my labor here in Albania will help the church at some future date get a foothold and a strong point in Albania. I know that this gospel is true, and that this message is the way we can have happiness in this life."

I love that boy man. :) It makes me so proud and happy to read his emails and to see his great progress.  I can't wait to hear more about his great adventure! Stay tuned!!

Curls

Recently, Kaylyn and I have been on a curl kick.  We've been looking up new ways to curl your hair without ever using a curling iron, and we have found some great ideas! 

Side note: For some reason,

most of these genius ideas come from women with thick accents

 who like to ramble on and on about hair product.

That was an odd consistency I wasn't prepared for. 

Last night Kaylyn and I both tried a new style (I tried the Headband one and Kaylyn tried the Sock bun) and mine actually worked!  I left before I could see Kaylyn's, but I'm expecting a good report!  Here are diagrams for both... prepare to be amazed.

 Headband curls:

This video is super long, but it taught me!



Sock bun curls:

Now introducing my newest obsession!  I want these so bad but I'm hesitant to spend this much on them.  I'm a cheap skate I know....  but look how cool they are!  I saw a lady with them and her hair looked soooo great!  They are called Curl Formers, check out the video if you so desire.

And the results?!

So there you go.  If you're ever tired of taking a year and a day to curl your hair, try these out!  Just a heads up: when you do the headband one you have a very good possibility of looking crazy.  I looked like a combination of Hayley Mills in the old parent trap...

and a boy with "wings."  Probably should have done it after Todd left and everyone went to bed.... oh well. ;)

Still Learning

My bad.  I am sure all of you noticed my error in the last post and I would like to publicly express my apologies.  If you recollect, the previous post stated something along the lines of:  "Goals in soccer are a dime a dozen."  I always figured the phrase "dime a dozen" meant that it didn't happen very often.  On our way home from work Karlie asked me what the phrase meant and I tried to explain that I figured it meant something was rare.  Trying to come up with the origin for the phrase proved to be quite puzzling.  I tried, "Well maybe it's because you rarely find anything that's a dozen for the price of a dime?"  .....Believe me, that was the best of my guesses.  So I decided to google it. 

Knowyourphrase.com put it this way:

Ooooooohhhhh.... It's the exact opposite of what I thought it was. Oops. Karlie and I chuckled and I thought, maybe no one will notice?  I didn't know what it meant so maybe I'm not the only one right?  Wrong.  I got home to Kaylyn and Anisa and we started catching up on the events of our days.  Anisa mentioned that they had just finished reading my blog.  I told her that I had apparently misunderstood the meaning of a phrase and before I could finish Anisa and Kaylyn let out a big sigh of relief.  They proceeded to tell me that they had previously discussed any and all possible ways to break the news to me that I was embarrassing my future posterity.  Alright alright so it was a bigger mistake than I thought.  Don't worry, I corrected the post and hopefully in my next post I can tie in some really big long word to boost my sophistication points.  Boisterous? Camaraderie? Ostentatious?  Stay tuned. I may or may not have googled "List of sophisticated words."  nbd. :)

Unclear Stick Figures

These people gave me a little trouble over the weekend. 

Side Note: I think having this blog has jinxed me. 

Now more often than not extremely embarrassing

things are happening to me whereas before it was

just on occasion. 

So once upon a time Real Salt Lake played a soccer game against FC Dallas, and these cool people attended.

Todd, Me, Anisa and Spencer

Forgive the poor picture quality.  The tickets came with free food throughout the game and we definitely took advantage of that.  Picking up Todd's 4th cheeseburger during half time (they were really small burgers) I suddenly felt the bathroom urge so we raced for the loo.  One side showed the man stick figure so I turned and headed opposite for the Women's.   Walking in I saw the closed stalls then shifted my glance to the left.  I stopped dead in my tracks.  Either a greater part of women are balding these days or there was a row of men up against that left wall.... which meant.... oh shoot, I'm in the men's bathroom!! I instantly turned and ran out of there, dodged a guy coming in to the bathroom, received a puzzled look from Todd and ran to the next set of doors, both with women stick figures on them. Don't worry, I checked this time.  I was greeted by women tousling their hair, putting on make up, lots of chatter and the closed stall I was hoping to hide behind forever.  Behind closed doors I could feel my face on fire with embarrassment.  I couldn't hold it in anymore and the laughter eeked out.  I don't think any of the men really saw me, but it didn't matter.  I guess I should have known what happens when you assume you're going to the right bathroom.  Bathrooms are never a place for assumptions. Then over the loud speaker you could hear, "GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!"  Instant panic set in (for the second time in the past 30 seconds) and I hurried to finish my business and race out of there.  Todd was waiting anxiously and said, "We missed a goal!!!"  Shoot.  Goals in soccer games are a dime a dozen few and far between (definition: rare, scarce) and we missed it because I couldn't control my bladder.  We rushed back to our seats, I sat down and proceeded to explain what happened in my bathroom fiasco.  Once I was done, dying from laughter, Anisa leaned over to tell me a secret.  "Your zipper is undone."  Strike 3. Bathroom scenarios were not my friend that day and I'm considering getting rid of them all together. Catheterization?  Kaylyn, wanna help me out with this?  I'll never miss a thing ever again.

Other than that the game was great ending in a 2-0 win for RSL!  We did get to see the second goal so that helped make up a little for the first.  Who knows why they have two men bathrooms right next to each other when history has proved that my assumption of a man and a women bathroom next to each other is reasonable and legit.  All I know is that I will never forget to fully evaluate my options when choosing a bathroom next time.  That's a mistake I hope to only make once in my life. :)

"They're Worth So Much More After I'm a Goner"

Happy Friday!!  Now after being utterly inspired a moment ago, go on and have a fantastic weekend.  Do it, I dare you! 

P.S. 4 points to whoever can name song and artist of the title of this post.  It'll be a hard 4 points because it's not like it hasn't been played a bajillion times in the past few months.  nbd. Even still, I still like it - in a morbid sort of way :)

Conditioner on no Condition

Scenario:  Hotel staff provide certain "necessities" to occupants so that they may be able to wash themselves and not stinketh.  Recently I found a make up remover pad and bath and body works flavored soap. Going the extra mile huh? Jack pot! 

Question:  Why do hotels never provide conditioner, but almost always provide hair nets?

Think about it. They go through all this work to try and provide high quality soaps and shampoo...to impress who?  The woman kind.  Do you think most men care whether they have sweet pea or rain forest leaves smelling lotion?  Nope, they don't.  Those details are to impress the women.  So why on earth would they not provide conditioner with their succulent smelling shampoo??  I'll trade you the lotion for some conditioner.  I have only been to maybe 2 hotel rooms that have provided conditioner and it baffles me every time.  Plus who has ever used the hair net....?  Wikipedia says that sometimes gang members use hair nets as part of their uniform.  Hotels would rather you join a gang than have soft, tangle free hair.  Think of all the violence they have encouraged.  So much for world peace.

Am I ranting?  Probably.  Is this a problem that has caused upset to more than 4 million women and thus ruined thousands of vacations due to a grumpy, snarly haired mother?  You betcha.  Any one wanna go on strike and refuse to shower until we have conditioner stationed in every hotel room?  Good me either, I smell when I don't shower.  :)

Champions

Well... I'm here to report good news!!  Introducing......

Red Devils - SF Women's League Champions 2011

We did it!!   Not only did we pull of the big 'W,'  we did it in style, 8-2 style!  This team was comprised of most of our high school soccer team members just re-living the glory days.  It felt so good to be able to play with 'my team' again.  We still had the same connection we did in high school, even after 3 years of all being apart.   Sad thing is that this is probably the last time we will all get to play together.  Something bogus about school being a higher priority.... weird.  ;) So, after 3 years, where are all of us at and where are we going?  I'll start left top and work my way to the right bottom.

RAE:  Just dominated Hodgkin's lymphoma cancer and has recovered so well!!  If she's not considered a fighter I don't know who is.

KAYLIE:  Has been married to Bryce for about a year now (most adorable married couple I've ever seen) and works as a dental assistant!

KAYLYN:  Just finished her 1st year of the Nursing program at BYU and is officially 33% of a nurse.  She'll be saving lives in no time, nbd.

BRANDI:  This girl is bound to put a smile on your face within the first 30 seconds of meeting here, guaranteed.  Home for the summer, but soon will be returning to living the dream in the SUU scene. 

ME:  Paralegal of 2 years and graduating with Paralegal Degree from UVU after this fall semester! Oh, and recently won the award for most "Dominating" person of 2011. ;) 

KATIE:  Happily married to her Dave and quickly approaching their 1 year anniversary!  She's a high rollin' nurse for a home, health and hospice agency, and a dang good one at that!

KARLIE: Finished school (yay!) and looking to teach teens all about eating disorders, nutrition, diseases and other heath matters.  Mrs. Mitchell is tearin' up the marriage scene with her hubby Jake of 1 year!

ANISA:  Taking over Idaho in one fell swoop.  Just finished her first year of Pharmacy School at ISU and soon will be treating all your prescription needs with that pretty smile!

BETSY:  Just turned in her papers to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!! With her easy going personality and beautiful face how could anyone turn down her invitation to get a little wet?!

And that my friends is what I call a great group of girls. We weren't able to get everyone together for the team, but I'm so glad we were able to get this bunch together.  These ladies will always hold a special spot in my heart, and I wish the best of luck to each of them as they conquer life with such great style.  Who knows how I got so lucky, but nevertheless, I'm grateful.

Champions inside and out.